


Picture Games

by Gadhar



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: British insults, Gen, cursing, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 10:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2345738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gadhar/pseuds/Gadhar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barney grins. “Yeah, I love it when he does that. He’s so British, it’s just adorable.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Picture Games

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I realize I rented a game a week ago and it is due today. Cue the _Deadpool_ gaming marathon. It was a good game, absolutely ridiculous. And seeing anyone, Deadpool or not, motorboat Cable's chest is just some kind of hilarious I can't even get into. *Cough, cough* _Ahem,_ anyway, I kept wondering what the Expendables do in their free time and I'm pretty sure it's not this but well, this is what I did instead of paying attention in English.
> 
> This fic proves I'm an idiot. Also the term is pillicock rather than pillicock- _ing_. I believe. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Deadpool, Halo, and the Expendables are all not mine.

“I don't understand this game! What is the deal with bike? Where did that even come from? How is that even going to help. There’s no solid _ground.”_

“You got it earlier, it was just laying around. It’s an abandoned city remember? Just, jump to that platform.”

“Which one? There’s like _five._ ”

“The one closest to you, you dumb fuck. How to hell are you gonna get over to that one? It’s a least three- what the fuck? Did I not just say that one was too far. Goddamn, Barney seriously.”

“ _Actually,_ you didn’t say which platform to jump on. You were about to and then-”

“Shut up, Galgo.” 

“What do I do now?” Barney asks and the look on his face is so dumb puppy-ish Lee can’t do anything more than groan and say “Hit ‘X’”.

Barney stares at the controller in his hands for a full minute before hitting anything. When he does though, Lee has to walk him through all the platform jumping _again_ , and explain, _again,_ that it’s _Deadpool_ and therefore making sense isn’t exactly at the top of the list. 

“It’s supposed to be fun Barney, just relax.”

Barney manages to make it through the floating platforms, all the way up to the citadel. But it’s there, when he’s surrounded by dozens of clones that are _killing_ him, that he just stands there, giving up.

“What are you doing? They’re going to kill you! Oh my fucking- _Barney!_ The guy on the left. On the _left._ No, dammit that’s not- god, he’s behind you! What- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST BARNEY!” 

Lee can’t stop himself, he really can’t. He rips the controller out of Barney’s hands, waving it around as he yells. “He’s dead. You fucking killed him, you moron! Jesus, he’s a fucking mercenary, his job is to kill. That’s your job too. You bloody fucker how do you not know how to kill people in a fucking video game. It’s your damn fucking job! How are you so fucking barmy? You fucking pillicocking prat! I am done with this shit! I am _done!_ ” 

He goes to throw the controller because fuck all if he cares if it smashes, they have money they can buy a new one, but Galgo springs up and grabs it before it even leaves Lee’s fingers.

Lee gives them a last ‘fucking gits’ before storming out and Barney can hear the distant sound of a door slamming which means Lee has decided to hide out and rage in his room.

Barney and Galgo share a look, something between total disbelief and minor indignation. But then they both just bust out laughing, Lee screeching at them from his room they’re so loud. 

Galgo smiles flopping down on the sofa beside Barney. “So much anger over a little game.”

Barney grins. “Yeah, I love it when he does that. He’s so British, it’s just adorable. I mean, _pillicocking?_ ”

“A child throwing a tantrum.”

“Ha, more like a puppy tearing up some cardboard. I just- I love it.”

“So,” Galgo says and he looks at Barney for a moment before ducking his head and then looking up again. “Can you actually play this game or not, because you really _should_ have killed that guy on the left. I know how to play, I can show you. If you want, I mean if you can play the game then I won’t say anything and I can just watch but I can still show you if you want because I am good at this game. I am very good.”

Barney just gives him a look. “Why do you know how to play _Deadpool?”_

“Lee showed me, when he first got it. He said,” And Galgo pauses, straightening his shoulders, puffing his chest out and doing his best British accent that sounds more Italian than anything, “‘If you want to be part of the team then you should learn how to play with the team’, and I didn’t know what that meant because you don't play the picture games that I've seen but he insisted so I said okay and it is actually quite fun. I like the part when you land on the other guy and they call you a 4-arm zombie and you go rawwrrr.”

Galgo raises his arms and does the ‘rawwrrr sound’. “You know?”

“Yes, yes, I like the rawwrr sound too.” Barney says, not having any idea what he‘s talking about. But, if Galgo likes zombies maybe they should watch _Night of the Living Dead._

Barney takes the game out of the system and grabs the other controller. “But if we’re going to play picture games, fuck _Deadpool_ , we’re gonna play _Halo._ ”


End file.
